I spent the day alone, just me and the computer.. And baileys.. Eventually I put a chicken on, for something to do really.. David came home from work and Mother appeared from her Xmas lunch with her neighbour. I spent the rest of the time watching Norad track Santa.
The Xmas eve tradition of our local Fire Brigade doing the lolly run was a lovely as ever with little kids lining the local streets for Santa to turn up in his vintage fire truck.
Did the annual trek to the South/ Eastern Suburbs, we popped in to seen my son. Is so hard to get time with him. No one answered the door. HMM OK so we left to visit some family friends. On the way we saw Fabian's Grandfather on the street buying a ute. We stopped to chat and to my total and complete horror, they had moved without telling me. I had no idea where my 12 year old son was living. I am sure the law requires me to know his location at all times. I know he wanted to go to a selective high school and so I had a fair idea where they had moved too. The conversation I had with Fabian's Grandfather soothed my nerves somewhat but no wonder I had had no contact. It was me managing a break down that I went to Helen's place.
She is a miracle worker, bustling in the kitchen and making me the coffee I needed and the soothing words I needed to hear. David was furious on my behalf, but for now, I was just barely coping.
Putting on my work smile, I walked into a happy family xmas. I had lost contact with my son and I had to be happy and chirpy for David's benefit.
I think I managed until I stepped on my SIL's toes over some petty crap, and it was all I could do to not walk out and just drive to work. Seriously. I should have just dropped David off and gone home. Now I was at work and dealing with personal issues and work when I get a phone call. Fabian will see me on friday. The first time in almost a year I get to see my own child. He has been so busy and now he starts highschool. I still barely know where he is living. Any parent will know the horror of not seeing their child.
Of course this blog will upset people. I wish it wasn't going to and its not anything that is their fault or about them its on going issues with me and my ex, and his arrangements. I feel I have no one to talk to as I am just afraid of upsetting them. Hence my need to avoid social situations.
Good riddance to 2012. I have lost friends, through death, and the lasting effects there of on their lives, my friend losing her baby, anther lost his wife, a friend lost his life to cancer and another lost his father. If that's not enough my closest friends have drifted away, having their own issues with the crappy year.
In 2013, I stand to lose my husband to his job, he was lucky enough to get his promotion. Encouraging him to chase his dream is all I can do. I am worried as the last time I was supportive of someone's dreams, they were dashed by a change of government. I should just stay under the stairwell at work and avoid ppl.
I hope the rest of you can look forwards to a better 2013. I'll just stay out of the way.
|Sylvia's Gingerbread House|