Thursday, July 31, 2014

Challenge #6 But-tocks

Assignment #6 - Bum. How do you feel about your butt? Is it muscled or squidgy? Do you have a freckled tush or maybe a tattooed one? Do you have junk in the trunk or a flat 'un? Add ohotos if you dare or draw it, or perhaps write a poem. - See more at: Leah's Body positivity Workshop
Just Me Leah

BUT-ocks or as David said just then RECtoooma hahahahah
I have a saggy arse. Its very well padded. My work is 99% sitting and one manager even yells at you when you have the hide to stand up and walk away. SIGH But I have a butt that is perfect for my job. 

Jiggle Jiggle Jiggle Jiggle

I'm not 20, I'm over 40.. so I have the usual issues ladies have.. cellulite (Meh) extra folds where my legs join and thick thighs. Chub rub happens in summer. I will have to try that anti rub cream that some girls have tried.  My hips click a hang over from my pregnancy 14 years ago. 

My lower back has a tramp stamp from decades ago that will one day me merged into my nautical back tattoo. Watch this space.

All in all I don't think about my arse. It just is. Chuckle. least that's not negative right?? 

its hard to photograph your own arse

Wednesday, July 30, 2014


Nothing of much note happened over night.
Scott at work offered me a cream bun. I love cream buns. No.. I adore cream buns.  I caved and had one.  SOOOOO yummy.. the bread was soft and moist and the cream... hmmmmmmmmmm
I enjoyed every bite. Within 45 minutes my skin caught fire. ARGGH I spent the rest of the night and all of today scratching. FFS.  
The Tim tams in the arvo caused my scalp to itch but I didn't think about it. This was a body wide (Eventually, it creeped down my arm then across my back ugh) itch. 


By the time I got home and went to bed it headed down my legs. 24hrs later still scratching.
My last major flare up was in January just before I tidied up my food intake. Hmmmmmmm

If life worth living if I can't eat sugar? Or is it something in the white bread?

Back to my clean eating for a while and do some investigation.

I am attempting to dye my hair orange but the colour is so light it may not take well. I'll see how it goes tonight.

Edit: here! Orange!!!

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Just when I think I am on the mend

One simple comment from a friend sends me into a spin. Ugh. Stupid brain. I want more than I can have and I need to accept what is likely and possible. Be happy. I have so much.

I went for the mail today and there was none. But I have no bills today.
I ran out of milk and it was peak in Picton (School time) so I walked and was happy I could walk.
I had no cash for milk, but I was happy I was able to use EFTPOS fee free.

I was able to stroll back in the warm winter sunshine and bask in 24C temperatures, (I mentioned its winter??) and look into shop windows.

I am alone in the house, but I have friends I can reach out to.
I have good eyesight and I can read.
For that matter I have a house. Its mine. Some have nothing. No shelter.

Be thankful that I have health and mobility and live in a quiet country with no war and where woman are not treated worse than animals.

Others are less fortunate.

Be thankful.
Winter Camilia

I did remind you that its winter??

Challenge #5 Waist/Stomach


Assignment #5 - Stomach/waist. How do you feel about your stomach/tummy? Maybe it bears the marks of carrying a child. Maybe it looks different than it did years ago. Maybe an operation scar has changed the way you feel about it. For many people this is one of the areas we most dislike, so I don't doubt this month's assignment will be difficult, for myself included. - See more at: Just Me Leah Love Every Body
Just Me Leah

My biggest issue with my body. My most loathed part. I hide this part of my body every single day. It  is huge but has been much much larger in my past. Its lumpy and its heavy. My belly pulls on my poor back and does cause back pain. I am working on it.  

On the positive side... its soft. Its skin is a luscious white and very very silky. I have stretch marks not only from pregnancy many many years ago but from decades of being fat. I am fat, there is no denying that. (For the record, tattooing stretch marks hurts !! And hurts a lot. They also puff up making tattoo lines wonky)  

I'm round and have two distinct sections to my middle. The doctor has tested my core muscles and I really do have a strong core and strong tight abdomen muscles. Alas no one can see them under the layers above them.  Put to bed the long held theory that fat people are lazy and don't exercise. I do and I am of ok fitness. Better than my colleagues who can't run for the train up several flights of stairs. So my middle does define me in the eyes of others. But its not who I am.
Stretch Marks and two sections

Round and soft. 
 I dress for my shape. And recently have decided to get out from behind baggy t-shirts and black. If people don't like my tummy, then they can walk away and think what they like. I am comfortable.


Monday, July 28, 2014

There is a talented lady in Canada

She is beautiful, bold and highly talented. If you like fashion esp out of the box fashion thinking then you have to check out her blog.
This is not my point of this post though.
A few weeks ago she did a review of the Moodstruck 3D Fiber Lashes Mascara (Found here) I loved the effect so I sourced some in Australia. I had to use eBay but there are several sellers more local than the lady Stina recommends (Of course if you are in the states, use her link)
At $43 its not cheap. But I am highly impressed. I only have my phone for photos but you can see a difference.
Before, and yes my tattoo needs patching
After application my eyelashes are so long!

Love the effect

I have also been inspired to write about her art/shop on Etsy.
I received my order from her store today. I left her to the colour choice but I ordered my Name, my favourite word and a stock item.
Very light, made of a plastic and they have a glossy finshed. I have no idea of the durability of these but very very unique. I am very impressed with the finished items. The words being my favorites. They have an 18" black chain which the clasps are a tad stiff so if you have sore hands (Like my mother) get someone to help you. I'm sure its only because they are new.

What do you think?  I think I'll get a few more colours of my name. Just because. :)
Stina doesn't charge a fortune for shipping either. Go and request a word and wear it with pride.

What a Sunday. Aka shoulda rated in bed

It started ok... a lovely sleep in. Add my overactive brain started up, it reminded me of my layby (layawayI'm told in the US) at the one stop pinup shop. Booboo..that meant get up and go to Campbelltown.looking at the train timetable,I may manage the trip by train and back. It would be touch and go.
So...Sunday OOTD happened.very casual and as the dress is too short,I had to find leggings. luckily for me, last shopping trip, David had bought me some. win. So far, so good...
Seeing my pretty pet lying still brought me down.I have to bury her. Sigh.
Train to Campbelltown then a brisk walk to the pinup shop to find that they are closed!! Argh! Dejected now,I headed back and waited for the train to leave.
NOOOOOOOOO Bah. So much for open 7 days

The afternoon was warm and balmy, if it hasn't been for the noisy teens in the quiet car,I would have dozed.  Lady next to me complimented my galaxy dress as I pass her to get off. Aww how lovely. Smiling again,I enjoyed the last of the afternoon Sun before heading inside for mortician duties.
Bye Bye baby. Rest in peace now.
Just after I had finished,I got a call from work. Could I come in tonight? Hmm why not. Beats moping.
Out of 4 days off I have been called in twice. Oh well..I'll be thankful next pay when I start leave.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Challenge #4 Chest/Boobs

March 2014 Assignment #4 - Chest/boobs. Are you happy with your chest/boobs? Maybe you've had surgery (mastectomy/boob job.) Maybe you feel your boobs are too big or too small, or less than perky from breast feeding, but they're perfect as they are. I don't expect naked boobie shots, but I might put a photo in of my cleavage! - See more at: Just Me Leah
Just Me Leah


Photo from

If talking about breasts offends then please skip!
David's eyes lit up hahahahaha.. Boobies!!! 
Ops an itchy bite..grr
I have been spending 2014 on myself and fixing up my health and doing things for me. SOOO As you can see from the chart in January, I have a chest measurement of 38.5" down from 41". Iam happy with that!!!! I have a cup size of D and DD as noone is exactly symmetrical. Giggle. Like most women, I would be happy with a different shape or size or whatever... That's on low days.. My back is fleshy and adds a heap to my girth.

Work Cleavage
I don't mind low cut tops to a point. I do like to be a tad modest to work but out of work.. I'm less reserved.  My boobs are widely spaced and point out so they look better in a bra rather than out.Men throughout my life have never complained and they seem to like the shape. (Giggle)

My bra digs in even if the correct size but as my back slims down, I am having less issues. Its hard to get decent bras. Ugh. Cheap is not the way to go when you are a larger sized girl.  My under arm flab gets caught up and I go get welts. Still having a professionally fitted bra has helped.
The skin is soft and silky and not tattooed. My chest and tummy are the two places that are ink free. :-) for now......

Formal Cleavage

Saturday, July 26, 2014

First downer in a while

Boo. Least I can feel something.. I ate all the caramel in my house. Well at least its gone.. I should go for a long long walk. I know the trigger and fatigue didn't help. Enough about that. Bah

My life is fine, but I watch my friends suffer under a pile of crap and I feel for them but I live far too far away to be effective. Writing Hugs on a phone is not the same as a real, living hug. Human touch, not my forte but there are times when its the only thing to say.

Work last night was a horror. Some kids decided to home make capsicum Spray and this caused the closure of  Devonshire St, then platform 24/25. This caused absolute chaos. The chaos flowed on to me around 7pm and continued to 2am. ARGH. One department were being annoying and didn't write down all the set changes. Tearing my hair out but a bright point was my staff worked without argument and did suggest things I had not seen and MAJOR thanks to them that we got people home and everything balanced.
 I got home around 6:30am.. and fell into bed. Barely managed to get my work clothes off.  (Oh my!)

Awake far too early. My shoulder was sore. Not stiff but very sore. Boo. Who needs sleep.
My dark cloud remained. Bah.

More bad news for my friend. Ugh the guy cant catch a break.

I went for supplies at the shops and took some photos of logs.  Was nice to be outside for 30 minutes. HAHAHA.
When I returned a beloved pet had died. She had suffered burns with the explosion of a heat mat and was doing well. She was alive when I went outside but had passed away when I returned.
Just because she is a snake, I get that most people will brush this off. But she was a beloved pet and a gentle soul. Very puppy like and she had as much right to a long life as any other creature. I havent had the strength to life her out of her cage and give her a loving burial. I stroked her for almost an hour. My poor baby. I couldn't help her.

I'll go and cry now.


Friday, July 25, 2014


I have mentioned once or twice about my shoulder. It freezes or just wont rotate so some days I find it hard to take a cardigan on or off easily, or lift the phone at work. Ugh.
I have tried physiotherapy and I hated it. He did nothing different to what my acupuncturist does and costs a heap more. My health fund actually refunds less for physio then for massage/acupuncture.   Go figure.
Anyway... I have been used to having pins in my back for my stiff fused spine and it helps a lot. No pain and it was with this experience that I headed to my local parlor for shoulder work.
The guy was as friendly as always and did assess my joint. He worked out the muscle that was hurting and lot and got to work. For the first time in my life I had shooting pains up my arm when the needle went in. OW but it settled right down almost immediately. My shoulder is more damaged then I had guessed.
After 40 odd minutes I felt relief... he tested my shoulder for movement and I can move. Its stiff and throbbing but it moves and the sharp pain is gone (For now).
I am not to lift with my right arm, as issue as I am exclusively right handed, but if it helps healing the joint then I'll do my darndess to be good.

Have to go back in two weeks....

Thank goodness for alternative medicines.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Challenge #3 Arms/Shoulders & Hands

Photo By Ron Howship (3AW)
 Getting through a few of these as I have a day off. Total Win. ! A lovely quiet day with David. We actually have nothing planned and no pressing commitments. David WAS planning on going to photograph the xpt cars that were involved in the derailment on Jully 11 (See more at 3AW). They were due to be loco hauled from Melbourne where they were getting new bogies fitted. Its been a balls up the whole event. BUT anyway.. the locos were bringing the cars out of South Dynon yard (Gemco ) and spread the road. OOPS. These cars will never get to Sydney at this rate. Needless to say I found this greatly amusing.. but thats me... RIGHT!!! Onwards!

Just Me Leah(Leah's Brief)
Feb 2014 Assignment #3 - Arms, shoulders & hands (Think of the things you can do with your arms - hug people/cook/lift your kids etc etc - as well as the physical attributes like strength, softness etc.) Feel free to include photos of tattoos, freckles, stretch marks, or anything else you want to share with us - See more at: Just Me Leah, Body Positivity Wokshop

Left shoulder Tattoo backside
2005-08-24_2239b VB in front of fire at PictonArms, Shoulders and Hands.... Hmm not areas I think much about. I have had a shoulder injury that stops me having a full range of movement with my right arm. Boo. I have seen the physio but all he did was what my acupuncturist did and I get more back from the acupuncture than I do from the physio. BOOO I'm crap at seeking medical attention. I hate most doctors. Anywhooooo

 My shoulders and arms are tattooed.. I have yet to finish a sleeve but its coming together. Slowly. I have had to out my tattooing on hold for the
Fabian and I in the domain (he was 7 weeks)
rest of the year which means my back piece will not be finished.. but that's another story. My upper arms are flabby and soft but I am reasonably strong aside from my shoulder. I can do modified pushups! Must work on getting strong again and do proper pushups. heehee.

My arms have cradled a child, brought comfort to friends and nursed a dying pet in her last moments on this earth. I am not a hugger my nature, I don't like people touching me so if you get a hug from me, I have reached out to you and I must love you very much to allow such contact.

Right shoulder tattoo
 My tattoos are for me and me alone. I love them and I love to decorate my white skin. I have the shade that colours SHOULD pop on, but for some reason colour goes motley so most of my tattoos are monochrome. Oh well. Luckily I love monochrome.  My arms are thin, my right arm is darker from my years on the road as a bus driver and a truck driver. This also means sun spots and aging that extends to my hands. I have my heart on my sleeve. :)

 As a manual worker most of my life, I used my hands for working on planes and cars and as a child helping my grandpa build bicycles and billy carts. I rarely remember hand cream and even though I have a love of nice nails, I have to have no polish on then atm due to damage and upcoming surgery. I will probably get fake nails after surgery.. My hands are dry and old. Still they work,  I have 8 fingers and 2 thumbs and no major issues with them. They are hard working and often covered in paint or ink or grass stains. When I had time for a garden I often had dirt under my nails. I am really a tom boy at heart. (Or a bogan, what ever)

old lady hands
So thats my shoulders, arms and hands :-)  Onwards to Challenge #4

Challenge #2 From the Neck Up

From the Neck up.
Love EVERY body Challenge #2

Doing these challenges even though
1. The challenge is finished
2. I am a year behind and
3. Some people will find is boring and self serving

I need to do this as I have been down on myself for decades, and although I am usually a bright and bubbly person, the past few years have really knocked the wind out of my sails.
I have skipped challenge one "A letter to your body" and I am not sure that is one I can do. Maybe I'll review it later when I have more time to reflect.  I am not a quitter so missing one will irritate me.

This is Challenge #2 From the neck up.

 Interesting place for me as it's the place on my body I am most happy with.

My brain is scatty sometimes and until recently had wild swings of mood that one time has see me rage as a small child (Mine) or my husband or my friends and leaving me to regret my inability to control the red wave.. luckily the child forgave me for yelling at him, at times waited for the tears that followed the red mood and comforted me (Awww), the husband and friends have stuck by me and even been comfortable in chastising me as I certainly do deserve it. It had had a lot of help and my brain now is mostly calm.. well the moods have settled and the black moods have also been reduced to clouds on the horizon.. Not perfect but who is?  I have a concern that mellow may have stolen the highs that are the oppsite part of the curve to rage but time will tell. 
My brain is also always running. I have to learn things constantly and I'm fairly good at trivia pursuit because of it. (Or Quiz up). If I am ever retired I will probably be the granny going to University just to learn another skill or subject.  That will be me with the Zimmer frame in the lecture hall.

My favourite feature above my neck is my eyes. I have largish eyes with tattooed eyeliner, my eyelashes are average but that's what mascara is for.  J
I have dry lips and they are a constant source of irritation but a lovely shape so who is complaining?  

I have long  hair. For years I have dyed it brown (from its childhood blonde) then one day, I dyed it red and black. This was around 2005? 6? I don't know. Its been a shade of black or red ever since. I have flirted with purple and blue but my son hates it.
Red and Black
 My hair long and thick and its superpower is it is straight. I mean if I spent hours putting in rollers or doing pin curls, it will poof out for an hour of so, be unwieldy, expressing its displeasure at being curled then go flat and straight. I used to go spare at this, luscious curls are not for me and my hair gets its way most of the time . Its glossy and soft  so I should just celebrate it.

Long hair, tattooed eyes & colourless lips

My nose is slightly upturned and doesn't do its job properly( you have one job nose, breathing.. one job!), but again as others have complimented me often ( weird to me though as I was born with it, I didn't choose this shape) it must be pleasing to others. I do wish it worked better and didn't get so itchy at change over season… Hello Claratyne!

Bags under my eyes often
As I have ages my skin is slightly patchy from extreme dryness but I have discovered a makeup that smooths that out mostly so I can live. Its not too wrinkly despite my years of ignoring it. Total win. It is uneven in skin tone, from age spots now appearing and red patches across my cheeks. To be expected I suppose. I am not 20!! As a shift worker that loves the night shift, I have bags under my eyes, which I don't love.

I loathe my teeth. Yellow and uneven I hav teeth whitening on occasion which helps.. (How vain am I?) and my husband and mother have spend thousands of $$$ helping me with my teeth. I am supposed to get a crown on a molar or a bridge, I forget but the temp tooth rebuild had help and I have a deep fear of the dentist so I avoid this. I rarely smile showing teeth. I have to work on this. They are teeth and they work. I have teeth and not dentures and I should be grateful. I will be grateful. 

That's all I can think of.
Thanks for wading through to the end! xoxox

Much Love to Leah from Just me, Leah who inspires a lot of women to rethink themselves and be more positive on what we have not dwell on what we don't or cant change. xoxo

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Sunny days - Or else

My work was changed from afternoon shift standby to day shift on the coast. Win. In a way.. stuffed up some plans but Que Sera.

A lovely lady who I discovered in June, Leah, (Waves!!) struck a chord with me in her body confidence posts.

She said this... "No person's weight or size defines their worth. EVER. The world may try to show and tell you this is true, and many people may believe it, but it is a LIE. Your personality matters. Your heart matters. I'd much sooner be fat than a superior arsehole going through life judging other people as 'less than' to make myself feel better."  and "You are enough, just as you are. You are worthy. You are loveable. You deserve all good things just as anyone else does. - See more at:"

Sun, coffee (Not shown) and flowers!
Quite right!

 So with this spurring me along I decided to just wear a skirt that made me happy and I have featured it here before.  The Hell Bunny Sunflower swing Skirt
Goofy Lift Pic - Stockings for warmth.

The day drifted along quietly. Melissa needed some nasal spray for her sinuses so we sent the defects guys over to the chemist. Other than that, we drank tea and kept our heads down. (We were yelled at yesterday for not being used to "Common sense management" HAHHAHAHAHA. OK. So using common sense we just stayed out of the way of the marauding upper managers..One went off home only to return soon afterwards... hmmm curious but it didn't really register.... Until.....
Did it get to NYE already??
Until we couldn't even get up the stairs to the platform. WTF!!!!! After a Bankstown train came I elbowed my way to the platform with my colleague in tow. The next Macarthur train arrived and I used my years of experience in travelling overseas in bigger systems in peak times.. I dragged my colleague onto the train. We were on. Win!!
Jammed in

Made my train and then it had to wait for the other 4 connecting trains. On well I was on and heading home.  Walked in the door to a warm house!!! The house husband as made me a fire! Total win!