Thursday, January 28, 2016

Trashing negative self talk

Our self talk drives a huge lever in determining our habits and overall likelihood to succeed in life. All of us at some point get stuck in patterns of damaging self-talk that is counter-productive at best, and self-sabotaging at worst.

Have you taken the time to think about your thoughts lately?

The key thing to be aware of, is that the belief systems and thought processes inside our heads get stronger and reinforced all the more as we get older.

These thoughts sabotage your results before you even out of bed. And as we age, these thought patterns cut deeper and deeper grooves into our subconscious mind.

The biggest change in myself has been due to keeping a gratitude note at the beginning and the end of each and every day. Some days are I have a home, I have a comfortable bed, I get cuddled nightly.. things like that others are I am lucky enough to have a job, enough food to eat to be spoilt rotten to be lucky to be a female in a equal society ( Mostly)
The effect of this simple action is my negative self talk is getting very quiet. Its more of a whisper nowadays, one I can ignore. 

The exercise in the book Beautiful you has Name your negative inner voice, and call her out when she trashes you. I have been doing this and IT WORKS. I won't tell you her name but she is told to Shut up, I am able to run 25 minutes, I am able to sketch, I can and am able to learn watercolour and I am worthy of love. 
My mood has stabilised to being neutral or happy, and I rarely get attacks of depression now. I am still anxious at times but as I have said before, anxiety is such an inbuilt part of my life that I only notice its absence. It has been absent a lot more often recently. 

I have seen a lot of my friends suffer as I do, with their inner voice ruling their mental health. We need to take control and call her out (Or him) 

Here are some more things that have helped me recently. 

  • Treat yourself like you’d treat your best friend or a daughter. Write down some love and compliment yourself and refer back to them as often as you need. If we talked to our friends in the same way that we talk to ourselves, we may not have many friends left.
  • Don’t compare yourself to anyone, you’re unique, own it, be proud of it, share it.
  • Find or create a positive mantra for every time you look in the mirror. Even if you don’t believe it yet just keep saying it!  Look right into your eyes, and tell yourself your mantra. try one or all of these!



  1. I love myself unconditionally
  2. How I feel matters, therefore I concentrate on aspects of life that make me feel good!
  3. I am to much of a gift to the world to waste my time of self pity and sadness. 
  4. I love myself as and who I am
  5. I am strong.
  6. I am enough
  7. I am beautiful as I am. 
  8. I choose to fully participate in my day. 
  9.  I have no right to compare myself to anyone for I do not know their whole story.
  10. I am happy in my own skin and in my own circumstances.
  11. I give up the habit to criticize myself

  • Get out of the house!! Just go for a stroll with the dog. I have watched my dog, he is so happy to just run in the grass. I love watching the way he moves. So elegant. I watch the bats in the evening cover the sunset as they go out for the night. If I am on AM shift I watch the sunrise. Be midful of the world we live in. The flowers, the wind in the trees, the grass under your feet. The sun on your face (Or rain, I have done a run in the rain just because before) 
  • Adding to above you are now getting exercise. A light stroll is enough to lift your mood. 
  • Put your favourite song on and dance like a crazy person.  Because you can move. No one will see and you will feel better. The negative lady will leave in disgust at your joyful action.
OK I don't have all the answers, but the changes in my life have been positive. 
Write three things you are grateful for, do it daily and tell your personal critic to take a hike. Thsi will be a start to a better day/week/month. 

I promise!!


Monday, January 25, 2016

A letter to my son from his dad

I received a surprising email that made me smile. I received it from my teenaged son's father. We rarely talk mostly because we have not a lot to talk about and time is against us as I am a shift worker and he is an office worker.
He read my blog RE my letter to my offspring and wanted to add his own.

So I will report mine followed by his.

Dearest Fabian,
Know that I love you and will always be there for you. No matter what, I've got your back. You are my son and always will be. In a few months you will get a car license and find more freedom.
  • You are almost an adult, you will find love, lose it, have your heart broken but you will pick yourself up and keep going. 
  • Don't allow peer pressure to make you take risks. If I trust you with a car, remember it is a killing machine and take care of it, you life and the lives of those around you. It is NOT a right, but a privilege. 
  • You will find your way like we all did when we were your age. 
  • Take risks, travel, try things that scare you but be true to yourself. I will always be there to pick you up if you ask. 
  • Don't let others devalue your worth. Love yourself and accept who you are. 
  • Chase YOUR dreams, not the dreams of others who would try to live through you. 
  • Have fun by not taking life too seriously. Things will bring you down, work can be a grind but don't let it suck the joy of life from you. 
  • Its one life you have. Grasp it with both hands and live it. Don't get to the end and have regrets.
Love Mum.



And from Chris,
"Fabian, 

Your mother is right. She has given you sound and caring advice. We may not always have agreed, but we do now. The truth of her words will become clear in time, if it isn't already.

Trust your instincts to help you find opportunity and avoid danger. Gut feeling is usually right. But we never stop growing up. Life teaches lessons to all generations for as long as we live.

Live in the moment because time and opportunity passes more quickly than it seems. However, keep an eye toward tomorrow and make sure you plan to have enough to see out any trouble.

Stupid people are on a journey of discovery. Criticising them makes one look cruel, not smart. Be kind, and they may be to you in similar circumstances. Karma is never far away.

Use words that are soft and sweet as you may have to eat them. Be careful in choosing role models and avoid bitter and sarcastic people. My biggest weakness was not knowing this.

You are at an age to become aware of the world around you in context, and where it is heading. Absorb all the information available to you to form your own view of what it will be like, who you are, the things that appeal to you, and what you want from life. Keep aware of things.

This is your era, your world and your time. You will understand it more fully than us, if not where it came from and how it came to be. Both are important. Things will change again.

Ninety percent of skill is observation. Ninety percent of happiness is self awareness.

Life is full of paradoxes. Truth hides within paradoxes, not a single opinion. Be a sceptic.

Take time to find pleasure in hidden beauty and to find peace in simplicity amid the turmoil.

Think of these words and reflect on the regrets of others, who missed out on them entirely or thought they could ignore their meaning. If it doesn’t make sense now, allow time to verify everything we, our parents and grandparents doubted.

xoxo.

Dad"


Saturday, January 23, 2016

Getting to know me

From the Lovely Leah's blog.

Are you named after someone?
Alas, no. My middle name is my mother's but thats as exciting as it gets.

When was the last time you cried?
The last time I was issued an ultimatum. It was such as shock to the system. Only people close to me can make me cry. I am a caramel. Hard on the outside but people who access the soft spots can really hurt me.

Do you have kids?
I do! One handsome teen who is 6'2 already and not even 16.

I also have one adult who can be a kid and a furry one



Do you have a guilty pleasure?
Stationery.. I adore pens, paper, notebooks
OO and related, magazines. I LOVE magazines and it kills me to throw them out but in the interest of less clutter, I do.

Do you like handwriting?
Yes. I do a lot of typography and I write with dip pens when I can. I do have ok handwriting but always gets rushed so messier than I would prefer.
I am useless at scrap booking.

What is your favourite cereal?
I have to pick? I could live on all cereal. I love Sultana bran with a cut up apple and banana.

What is the first thing you notice about people?
Oh a woman, how they carry themselves, are they confident or trying to hide. On men, arms and shoulders. (OK I am shallow)

What colour are your eyes?
Green




Scary movies or happy endings?
I like silly horror ie zombie movies or vampire films. Happy endings annoy me as no one lives happily ever after just like that.

Favourite TV show?
Big Bang Theory. I rarely get involved in shows, I do love House of Cards (Both versions) and Black sails. But BBT wins hands down for relaxation feel good.

Summer or Winter?
Spring and Autumn. I LOVE cool evenings and warm days. I am not a lover of heat but I don't mind the cold. I adore storms (Spring) and I do love running on a cold morning but the shorts days get ,me down and hot days make me want to hibernate in a cool cave. Hate.

Hugs or Kisses?
Hugs.

What's the furthest you've been from home?
Hmmm The UK or New York..I will have to google it.. Actually Its Dublin at 17203km from Sydney. Ireland wins here.

Do you have special talents?
I can fly/drive/sail/ride anything. :) Mind you I haven't sailed in decades, but I do miss sailing.

Where were you born?
Canberra, Australia

What are your hobbies?
Scuba diving, Blogging, photography and drawing. I am learning to watercolour.

Do you have any pets?
A hound.. (Seen above) I don't have cats any more as the dog eats them.

Favourite movie?
Um.. I actually don't watch many movies, I only watch them when I used to take Fabian to the movies (He goes alone now) or Heath makes me watch them on TV in the evening. I usually miss most. The last movie I enjoyed was the Railway man about forgiveness after ww2. Last one I watched was unbroken, also about WW2.

What colour is your car?
Red.

What did you want to be when you growing up?
A pilot. I was a pilot for a few years until the 90's recession

How are you feeling right now?
Calm, I am at work.. its a Sunday.. life is good.

Is there anything you want to say to someone?
Heath,
You are my shoulder to lean on, the soul I turn to and can count on. You’re my one and only; my everything.

Fabian, 
Know that I love you and will always be there for you. No matter what, I’ve got your back. You are my son and always will be. In a few months you will get a car license and find more freedom.

  • You are almost an adult, you will find love, lose it, have your heart broken but you will pick yourself up and keep going. 
  • Don't allow peer pressure to make you take risks. If I trust you with a car, remember it is a killing machine and take care of it, you life and the lives of those around you. It is NOT a right, but a privilege. 
  • You will find your way like we all did when we were your age. 
  • Take risks, travel, try things that scare you but be true to yourself. I will always be there to pick you up if you ask. 
  • Don't let others devalue your worth. Love yourself and accept who you are. 
  • Chase YOUR dreams, not the dreams of others who would try to live through you. 
  • Have fun by not taking life too seriously. Things will bring you down, work can be a grind but don't let it suck the joy of life from you. 
  • Its one life you have. Grasp it with both hands and live it. Don't get to the end and have regrets.


Name 5 facts about yourself
1.I sing in the car and when I'm alone. I used to sing in a choir but the years have made me very very rusty.
2. I draw to meditate. Doing a sketch quiets my racing mind.
3. I loved boarding school and was horrified when mother took me out.
4. I nearly drowned last year and that was my wakeup moment. I didn't tell Heath or David at the time as to not worry them. I was rescued by a handsome young man after a lady passing by say me. Life is short.  I am now petrified of waves of all sorts.  (Even tiny ones)
5. I scuba dive. I can dive off boats happier than from the shore. (See note 4)
6. I am fairly heavily tattooed I have 3 unfinished tats and 2 yet to be inked.

Do you believe in Karma?
Yes.

Feel free to do this tag and leave your link to the post in the comments if you blog.


Friday, January 22, 2016

Plus 40 Fabulous - Teen/Childhood influence



Theme this month :
"Talk about how our teens/childhood influence our choices in clothes and things today"

I didn't really follow pop culture and rarely paid attention to the tv. You would find me in the library with my books or writing letters to pen pals. (Did we all have pen pals?) 

This is a toughie until I realised my teens and early adulthood have affected my choices today as I have NO DESIRE to repeat them. No no no.

I spent my youth hiding. I was dressed in clothes for a 40 year old until I found jeans that fit then I wore them 24/7 unless in my school uniform. 

I have yet to find a photo of my teens.. Hmmmmm

Says it all really.

Choir_1988

House_Photo_Kambala1989

Can you find me?? :)




See the other bloggers involved in this challenge!!


Betty: http://www.pamperandcurves.com
Cathy: http://www.southernyacht.blogspot.co.uk
Christy: http://sprintingwithscissors.blogspot.co.uk/
Daisy: http://daisysays.co.uk
Kaye: http://www.polishedcurves.com
Kellie: http://www.bigfashionista.co.uk
Leah: http://www.justmeleah.co.uk
Lee: http://www.pinkybellesshed.co.uk
Lisa: http://www.kitandkoboodle75.blogspot.co.uk
Mookie: http://www.mookieslife.com
Nikki: http://www.nattynikki.com
Sarah: http://www.plussizeproud.co.uk
Vicky: http://www.therandomnessoftwee.blogspot.co.uk

In social media the Plus 40 challenge can be found at
FACBOOK
TWITTER
INSTAGRAM

Or Email: plus40fabulous@gmail.com



Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Beautiful you


Part of my therapy and goal setting strategy is to manage my poor self image. Whilst I am a body positive warrior for others I really have a poor self image and struggle with the depression I get when the image in my brain doesn't match the mirror. Of course I know LOGICALLY that I look fine.. I dress well (Most of the time) and I carry myself with confidence (AGAIN most of the time) but I get a black dog of self doubt that tells me it is pointless to work on myself and to give up to return to my cave and blanket fort where judgemental eyes cannot see me. 

This is not living in anyway and I have developed a habit of going outside. Its actually nice outside. Who knew? 

For years I wouldn't leave the hours without a set itinerary and times written down for the trains and I would never leave the routine of my work travel arrangements. Hermit. 

I have been working on this since 2014 :) I can pass as normal now.. I think. Only my closest people know the truth. HAHHA 
Anyway on Book depository I saw a book on 362 days to self acceptance. Why not?  For once it came in 4 working days. Whoohoo. I ripped open the packet and had a read as I had my pedicure. Perfect timing. 
I had a flick through. One exercise a day for a year. I can do that plus I can still indulge in my habit of writing. The book has some very thought provoking questions. Day 4 has questions to answer in your journal like
  1. Consider how body image has impacted your daily life and outlook
  2. what have been your challenges and triumphs with body image over time?
  3. what have you denied yourself because of your perception of your appearance?
  4. how has your personality changed because of your sense of your appearance?
  5. what have you gained or lost because of your body image?

Day 6 is an exercise not a journal entry.. Ditch the Fat chat.  - When a woman critiques herself in front of you, don't join in . Instead tell her what you love about her or tell her how wrong she is. When you are inclined to begin your own body bashing, stop yourself. We do ourselves and others a dis-service when we allow there critiques to carry on.

Day 150 Affirm you body - Be satisfied with you body in its role as your vehicle for experiencing life. Take a moment to thank your body for allowing you that experience. 

The book is thick but light. Small enough to toss in your work back with your journal. I like to think about the questions on the quiet wee hours of early am. I think better at 3am than an 9am. LOL
So here are a fewpages of my self acceptance journal.



As you can see, I am starting to draw in my book. This, I see is a good sign. :) 

Right off to think about how I envision myself. 
 Would you do such a quest? is this sort of book for you? Is it old hat and just re-hashing more of the same self assessment?? Does it help do you think??? LMK your thoughts!!
XOXOXO
.

Monday, January 18, 2016

Eat that frog

The after night shift routine. To get some movement in my life I have to force myself to do something other than sleep and work.

I am usually totally exhausted but I have learnt recently that the Eat the Frog theory applies to the time of day not my personal clock. SOO I thought I would share my routine for going to bed after night shift.


I am home usually at 8am Mon to Friday and around 1030am on the weekend so you see the day is all arse about for me before I start. I used to go to bed after a shower and of course I did nothing when I got up but laze about or just get the mail and then Heath would be home. I wasn't doing my exercise and this contributes to my poor mental health. I am one of those lunatics that likes exercise.But unless I am pushed or have a set time then.. noo go. Really I confuse myself.

Sooooo

0830hrs (Or 1030hrs Sat and Sun) 

  • 3 times a week Treadmill work
  • 1 or 2 times a week strength training (Even if its only the 7 min workout. Hey! Its only 7 mins but I can't do the chair step up it hurts my knees) 




  • Do my journal for the next calendar day and my end of day gratitude
  • feed the dog
  • shower 
  • bed
I have been trialling this for a week and it works. I wake up and I don't have the thought of "Oh I have to try to exercise" I have already done it. Exercise seems to my my frog and I have been successful in doing it faithfully barring one self love day (I went to the beautician's and barely did 4000 steps in the whole day - It was bliss)

On days off with H, we try to Walk an hour with the dog. Last Saturday that we had off, we took the dog for a walk through the bush at Thirlmere and the lakes.  We even had a lovely pub lunch.


I don't have a set routine for my morning shift as I have two, one that this routine will suit.. the getting up, hydrating, and exercise but my super early shift is no good. I get up at 2am and I am NOT getting up at 1am to get a workout. I tend to have to force myself to so anything when I get home at 2pm. That's why I di now firmly believe in the eating the frog theory when possible.




Sunday, January 17, 2016

Sunday selections - Dog parks




Welcome to Sunday Selections!

This once-a- week-meme was originally begun by Kim of Frog Ponds Rock, as a way to showcase some of the many photos we all take, but don't get around to showing on our blogs.

The rules are very simple:-
1. post photos of your choice, old or new, under the Sunday Selections title
2. link back to River, somewhere in your post (And me?? I'd love to see what you post)

3. leave me a comment so that I know you've joined in and can come over and see what you've posted.

4. hop on over to Elephant’s Child to see more of her wonderful photos.


A the lovely Snoskred has been doing it for ages so head over there and see her selections for this week!

I have been spending some time at the local dog parks. 3 anyway. Couldn't be more vastly different.

Lets see the three closest to Picton.

1. St Helens Park.
Close to Campbelltown its easy to find and has a double gate for safety. There is water, dog toys, Poo bags and bin, scooper and some agility things for the dogs. Also some shade and some chairs. For a doggie park its pretty swish!!



The next week we went more local, to Tahmoor Dog park near the BMX park. Umm.. OK.. The park has toilets.. a bin, water and one picnic table. Thats it. Also less poeple. The lady we met says she has never seen more than one person here before.

Dog was unimpressed and bored after one round


Thirlmere
Well. its advertised as an off leash area and if just on the right from the shops. The park on the right as you head away from the shops. We went past it.. It said off leash behind the picnic area but we didn't find the picnic area. We DID find some awesome bush tracks and the doggie was very happy. Lots to explore. No facilities at all. Its the same as Thirlmere lakes (Not an off leash area) but with less area. Still its my fav for the Wollondilly area.






Saturday, January 16, 2016

NZ Curvettes - T-Shirt week.


I was lucky in that this T Shirt week coincided with me going on tot night shift at the end of it. I used to LIVE in t-shirts and there was a time when that was all I had in my wardrobe. Now.. I only have one drawer. Ben took the rest to make a doona cover of my favourites. He hasn't had the time but one day :) LOL There were so many bags..


Monday I was off and Tuesday was corporate wear. So From Wednesday..

I love this tee from Pho Sizzle. I wear it all the time.. Of course for work I have a white cami under it but at home just a white bra. Its soooo comfy and light. 


\
Thursday was all black. ITS WAS SO COLD!! I had my warm leggings and this cotton soft tee with of course a cardigan and a hoodie I kept at work. You would think it was winter. BRRRR


Friday Started with this Target red tee. When they are on sale for $2 I usually get  heap. For work thought I changed to a purple running top as it was fleecy and the cold weather was still around.. 



Saturday night ( Sunday am aka NOW) Has this shirt from Society +. Its so soft and stretchy just like a tee shirt so I am including it. This is over sized so I have a US 16 on. It's very long too. I can't stress enough how wonderful this shirt is.  Plus gave me an excuse to wear my Hello Kitty belt. :)

Hope your week was wonderful! I only have 2.5 night shifts left so WHOOHOO







Friday, January 15, 2016

Dreams




After the therapist, I had the most vivid dream. Of course I only noted the main points and have since lost the details but I am left with the impression that it made on me. 

It was on or on the side of some railway tracks. Its not a train. I have a caravan and I notice that one side is sinking in to the soft soil on one side. Only one side. I leave it a while until the tilt to too much to ignore then I exit to analyse the problem. I walk up the track and find two people to help. One is the impression of being known to me but I don't remember. The other is a stranger.  They offer to help and pull my caravan out of the bog. 

The alarm went off. :)

I have spent two days pondering this. 
 research has presented me with this. 

Looks like I am on the right path getting help and having support at home. 


Sinking - To dream that you or something is sinking suggests that you are feeling overwhelmed. 

Quagmire 
To see yourself bogged down in a quagmire refers to your inability to meet your obligations and fulfil your goals. You are literally stuck in a rut.

To Ignore the problem - To dream that you are ignoring someone or something may represent people, ideas, or situations that you don't like. Not wanting to accept something. Choosing to avoid something. Feeling that something or someone is not worth paying attention to. 

Negatively, ignoring something may reflect stubbornness or carelessness. Overlooking something important that deserves more attention. Intentionally or arrogantly ignoring authority figures. 

Alternatively, ignoring something may reflect an area of your life that you are not paying enough attention to. An idea, hunch, or situation that you keep putting off. 

Help -To dream that you are calling or signalling for help suggests that you are feeling lost, overwhelmed, and/or inadequate.

Rescue 
To
dream that you are being rescued or rescue others represents an aspect of yourself that has been neglected or ignored. You are trying to find a way to express this neglected part of yourself. Alternatively, it symbolizes an subconscious cry for help. Perhaps you are too proud in your waking life to ask for assistance.

Stranger 
To see a stranger in your dream signifies a part of yourself that is repressed and hidden. Alternatively, it symbolizes the archetypal dream helper who is offering you insight and advice