Thursday, August 30, 2012

As I sit here

Nibbling at the family tree that, whilst I love research and love history, I have no emotional attachment to the names on the tree. Sad but true. I have been interested as a scientist is interested in a germ or new animal species.
What I have found generation after generation, with some exceptions (My grandfather being one) are missing fathers. War, work or just escaping men have left generations of women to hold their family together and feel the offspring. Sad really that it continues to this last generation.

I even found a lady dying in Childbirth. I ponder the possibilites she could have had, being 18 but born in the wrong time..
I have used the 14 days free to get a heap of stuff done. I did ask mother to add stuff she knew but she has only glanced at a bit of stuff. She only had until the 9th as I don't have $300 for an annual fee.
My dearest David HAS taken advantage of my offer and he has settled into transcribing the paper trees written by his grandfather.  What made me laugh was one of his relatives was the man who was given what is now known as Ropes Crossing (aka Creek). This was a 6 degrees of separation in a way for me as my friend Tim now lives on his land. Tim's family lives and has lived a stone's throw from my family in Western Australia and again within muscat distance in Switzerland/france border.

MEanwhile... I am sick again.. this time a chest thing that just sits there. I have been sick twice this year, and I don't like this new trend.

Work is tough, the learning curve is steeper than most other boards.. and Both Dave and I are struggling. I am worried Dave may give it up and go to west. I hope he doesn't.



Friday, August 24, 2012

this whirlwind existence is getting me down

Peace!! I have a yearning for peace. I have a NEED to go to the farm that is almost overwhelming every other emotion.
Today was a welcome break from my routine of getting snowed under at work. Close friends have said I am very pale (Even for me) Ugh. I am not sure this was a great move but I had to move to the old girl is probably just uncomfortable being out of a rut.  I shall battle on.

Today was a road trip to the black hole of sydney, the freight lines.
Sydney put on 28oC weather ( not bad for winter ) and I was very happy to be out in the sunshine.

Strathfield signalbox

Yennora Sidings


A canabalised 8017 #train #railway



4mb4 at trackfast


G  frame Chullora MTS


Friday, August 10, 2012

Graduation

Wasn't what it should be as during the night, Steve's father lost his battle with cancer. :-( The poor guy came in to work after what looked like a sleepless night.
We all encouraged him to return to his family.

Graduation
the Train Control Class of 2012

Our day was mostly sorting paperwork, cleaning the DRC and going up to Level 1 for photos and locker issuing. My issued locker was missing a lock so Andree issued me with a new one, but the associated pigeon hole was still filled with stuff. Hmm


Graduation
The Boss and our class

Andree said the guy had left so not to worry. I will file his stuff with Imad in case the guy comes back for it.

We went to the nice pub for a lovely meal but 90% of the pub was reserved. :-( MEGA annoying. David joined us in time to collect his lunch that I had arranged with the Bar staff to deliver 20 mins after ordering. Perfect.


Colleagues
you have to watch your garlic bread

Phil get blocked by Jodie's Drink
after a while the others headed to the crappy pub down the road to meet up with friends. David and I wandered in for a while but ended up leaving and headed to Newcastle for a Lamb rump rumoured to be awesome. It had better be as it was 3 hours away on a train in the pouring rain. The weather had turned miserable.
Chasing an S Set

It poured the whole way up and back. BUT yes, the food at the Great Northern Hotel was well worth the travel. Have a look at its great History at an excellent blog, Far Out Brussel Sprout

The Great Northern Hotel


Was extremely grateful to get home in the wee hours of the morning. Talk about an epic, long day :-(



The Great Northern Hotel


2012-08-10_1924-17-090

Cartoony K4

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Dizzy week


Have had a hectic week. I have been struggling with many emotions,  my upcoming final assessment, the retatrded appeal and my fatigue being stuck on AM shift.
Mood swings from extreme anxiousness and irritation to being the most Zen person on the planet.

I was rostered on a Saturday shift, this time AM shift. I sucked it up as it was double time. Sunday was blissful even with the upcoming week.

Monday was stressful as we were alone with each other in the RMC and applicant 2 was essentially pacing.. we tried to calm him :-) we came and went through RMC, some guys sitting on panel, others arranged a booklet for the rest of the class. Even got to binding ! :-)

Tuesday Jodie and I took the drivers to the signal boxes where we had worked. First up was Sydenham. I was hoping to catch up with some friends but the people on day work (with a few exceptions) were so rude. Gossiping and snickering amongst each other. Geez I only left a few weeks ago. Fuck you too guys. You cemented my resolve to never see you C**ts again.  Thanks to the few who had basic manners.
 Jodie and I escaped to get coffee with Marlene and the boys stayed with the Acting ASBM doing his spiel.
Afterwards We visited Sydney Signal box. Horrible work place but the people are so much more polite. Maybe I should have transferred a few years ago. What a difference. Sydenham has the atmosphere of a den of savage dogs and Sydney was bright and airy. A much more welcoming place. Why did I stay in a crappy work place for so long?? We returned to RMC to continue study. Only 4 of us were left but we discovered our missing 4 colleagues had been successful.

Morning light #urban #sydneymorningphoto #sydney
Wednesday was traumatic. It was my turn to be assessed as a Train controller. EEP. I had a minor panic attack as I realised that a failure in this assessment meant a return to the afor mentioned S**thole. Enough for me to resolve to not return but quit if I fail. A return to those people would be majorly depressing. Luckily I had support. From my husband, best friend and my new colleagues. One even came to meet me up the street to put me at ease. Aw :-)

I forgot the simplest things. I was most unhappy with my performance and was convinced that Steve would be disappointed. My graph was certainly messy ugh. Still I was passed as I at no point breached safeworking. PHEW. Thank goodness. My AC career closed at that point.

Jodie came in and I stayed in the marking area out of the way. She had the same nerves that I had. Poor girl. She was shaking. BUT got into it and became a polished professional. YAY 6 for 6.

I was now excited from the last two and wanted 8 for 8 for Steve. One of the first schools to get all students through from beginning to the finish line. I was so grateful to head home, leaving a relieved Jodie to be de-briefed or as they put it De-senarioed (I didnt invent it). David and I had a most pleasant meal at the Imperial. I was happy and relaxed.

Thursday and it was final testing for our class. We all had our fingers crossed. We all wanted success for the last two. First up was our "asset"  He seems cool and collected. We all settled down and waited for our time to play our roles. At the end of the day we had achieved our goal of all 8 students passing the course to be let loose on the RMC. I was thrilled!! We had all worked so hard.

Tomorrow? graduation!!!

Friday, August 3, 2012

Quick update

MENANGLE st is closed to traffic for Hugh Jackman to film his new wolverine movie. I have no interest peer say but Ben Bennassic took a photo of the snow. Whilst Picton is cold we don't get snow so it's rather nice . :-)






Thursday was...confusing. Whilst I know I can do the stuff, I was doing a trial assessment and bombed. I got good feedback but I felt I failed in my standards of not getting the safe working right. Still I didn't actually breach, just came close but I pulled through at the end. My trainer said he saw me get to a breaking point then gather myself and deal with it. As I have had people doubt my ability, this feedback made me happy. I know he meant it.
I have been precious as I found out that one of my referees gave me a bad reference. He brought doubt into my trainer's mind, LUCKILY two more senior people stood up for me. So screw him. Now I really cant let the other two down. I really must thank them. Still I am stunned that someone would agree to do a reference and then write something so hurtful especially as several times in the past I have been his go to person for safe working. How dare he take his personal issues with my husband and use my career to get at him. Some people just can't separate people.

Revenge is a dish best served cold and he will need me one day. Mark my words. Hurt and doubt has clouded my mind and I need him out of my head, alas I have to live with this until the stupid appeal. The appeal is an OSM who feels he was hard done by, but he never passed the assessment centre. He failed and badly. As he never got an interview.. I don't understand why he gets interview transcripts. No only that, personal details about me and my colleagues. He has our applications and everything.

I feel betrayed and targeted.