Wednesday, April 29, 2015

I have been absent

Both here and in my life in general. My friends have noticed a retaction of my presence and Iam sorry. :( I have been coping with a loot at the same time and my closest have been pushed aside.
I barely keep up with IG.

Work, as you all know was hell last week due to the weather, That with my chest infection thrilled me to pieces. The dog has.. ear mites? infected ear and I have to heat the cream or he wont tolerate me putting it in his ear. It keeps me up too at night as he scratches and shakes his head violently.

Otherwise.. I have moved from night shift to Morning shift and my mother rang for IT advice at 2200hrs.. and by the end I had 2 hours sleep..GREAT!!!

I was coping.. until the CEO was explaining something behind me and I had a micro sleep, almost dropping my head to the desk. REAL PROFESSIONAL. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great way to be promoted. FUCK.I had words with my mother who laughed at the situation as it sounded funny. As I write this.. I ;can see it would be but at time I was furious.

THe afternoon was spent in heels runnning around after my mother but to be fair she bought me a cardigan and two dresses.  SQUEE!!

We even played twins.




I have soent my office week in an anti uniform protest, I have been dressing as colourfully as possible. I have been a skittle..**Taste the Rainbow??**

Day 1



Day 2



Day 3

I couldn't wear the other rainbow dress, it was too short to be professional..




As of this afternoon.. I am off for 4 weeks.. I am going to sleep the first week I am sure.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

So there is a disturbance in the force

I have no idea where this year will lead me, but from last year's two ,meltdowns to now, plus the near drowing, I can't say I have not had clues to the need to keep moving forwards. I feel the worst is yet to come. This is sense of forboding that I cannot shake., Its disturbing.

I had to break up with a good and close friend as the relationship was not meeting my needs, and everytime I hurt someone's feelings, I feel like I have cruely murdered kittens. I truely hate hurting people. Everytime I make someone cry I suffer their pain as keenly as they do.
Empathy suxs sometimes, but like the bandaid, short term pain for long term healing.

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Weekly round up.

A close close friend arrived back from his holiday and this set off some events that will have long term ramifications for me and my closest. Some good did come out of it but as I stated above, bandaid effect. Or closer to the Butterfly effect really.

This past week I have had to watch him suffer and I can do nothing but watch and be a shoulder or in my favourite analogy, a safe port in the storm, at least,I am trying, I am usually the lost ship not the haven of safety.



Weather here has been soggy.

I developed a chest infection that made me gasp for air at times and I really felt like I was having an asthma attack at times. I can't exercise and walking from the station, all 800m leaves me wrecked. Ugh. BUT if you all know me, I won't let a little thing like that stop me. HA. The cold has seen me wrapped up like a mummy and out with my mother doing chores and sleeping the rest of the day,. Monday and Tuesday were sick days.

Tuesday I went to meet a lady called Sandra. I saw her across Liverpool street and I thought she was going to blow away. Seriously we has such cyclonic winds and she is not heavy set like me.

This lady makes me laugh and I find she has a lot of the same ideas about life as I do. Over Korean, we talked for hours and it was too soon before we ventured out into the tempest again. Dragged her through the flood waters to T2 and the shop ladies where thrilled to talk to her. They even gave her samples of English Breakfast, in tea bags so she could sample a great tea instead of the run of the mill tea, I feel in love again with a tea cup I can't afford. ARGH

Sandra suffered my City Chic addiciton as I picked up my Birthday present, a lace trench coat. SOOO Pretty and been on layby, waiting for me, before she left me at St James where I could head home for bed.

Wednesday was up early to get my free flu shot. YAY for emplyer subsidised flu shots. Met my mother and we got that chore over before 8am. The roads around campbelltown had finally given up on the 4 days of rain and so the police had the entrance to Campbelltown mall closed, causing chaos. I got some waterprood boots as my suede ones had given up the fight.

Homewards and there was hope that we may, one day see the sun again. Hey!! We are aussies, if we don't see the sun for a day we stress that the gods have abandoned us..



A full rainbow gave me hope, then it fel from the sky again for the rest of the afternoon,  I gave up and went to bed for my night shift. 
The evening, I had a welcome visitor and we out for $10 steak night. No alcohol although you get a free one, but the best evening before a shift. I knew I was going to be on cleanup. 

Work was hectic. It took me until 0240hrs before I cleared up the afternoon's trains and incidents before I could tackle my work leaving me a few hours behind. Argh. Spa running Berry to Bomaderry, electric trains terminating at Oak Flats, a slip area with a 10km/hr speed, Waterfall to Helensburgh was essentially single line so, SPA there too when I couldn't fit all the trains.. Freight left in odd places like Coal Cliff  and so many cancelled, that it was hard to keep up. Still!!! Can't complain that it was boring!!



At 3am, I finally grabbed a cup of tea (New York Breakfast) and a toilet break, PHEW~!!!!

Had to drive all the way home so I asked a colleague to accompany me to chat so I could stay awake. 
As the sun rose, we saw blue sky and praised the great spirit for its forgiving nature and hoped things may dry out. 

DRY!!!!!!

Double back today. Heading off by train and a lift home with a friend. XOXOOX

I'll sleep when I'm dead. 





Friday, April 17, 2015

Lovely Day

Today was raining and cold.   My good fried and his mother and daughter were supposed to go skydiving.. but the weather was so crap there was no way any plane was leaving the ground.
SO he, as he knew my mother was wanting to meet his mother, he arranged a lunch for the mothers. 
OOTD 4 mothers' meeting
Grey harbour, Grey day
Orginally he had said the mothers would not let us get a word i edgeways and when they met, he was accurate, the two women got along and neither of us get a word in edgewise all arvo. Was perfect. 

Totally worth the drive through torrential rain. 

Home much later and both of my neighbour, Tracey's kids turned up. Brandon fed my snakes and they watched the snakes eat the rats they gave them. :-) Tracey had sent me some homemade ham and veggie soup and so much that mother and I had plenty to share between us. 

STeam fest steam train wasn't worth shooting, I struggled with the grey sky, BOOOOOO

what a rough week - Warning Flesh photos!!

Or fortnight .. Geez..

From near drowning.. to emtional highs to a panic attack on Sunday to me stressing about a close friend going through emotional pain and my husband's woes. I am over it all and I want to hide in my blanket fort

Poiniant comic from Robot hugs
OK..
Worked the whole weekend on am shift and so was happy to be able to got work be train. phew. 
Mother was away and so I had her dog at my house. He kept Hank busy and Hank was ok with it to a point, but as soon as anyone was close to me, the dog would force himself between me and the other person. 


After a skuffle on my bed with Hank keeping Basil away from me, there was a peace settlement and we managed to get along for the rest of his stay. Took 2 days before Basil would even eat.
Had the Psycologist on friday, and she was happy with my progress and my next appointment is a follow up for outstanding issues with some family. She was happy with my recovery from the weekend previously. My methodical brain kept me calm and what is keeping me calm still. I have to go and face the beach again soon though. And not alone. I'll be fine.
I loved my OOTD this day.


City Chic Top and Jeans. 
Popped into Macathur to sort out my Dive course payment.. hitting up my mortgage. Whilst there, I ran into Jen from Picton. A lovely lady and we went for a coffee and sat in the sun to chat. Was lovely to be out with a friend. I should do it more often. (With what time? Sigh) 
After moving all my money, I tortured myself and tried on the new City Chic bras. 
(Flesh!!!)













Pretty Crop top. I thought I may wear it one day. :) Or not.. I don't know. I have middle issues.

Sunday I was a mess and was anxious most of the day. I was going to confront someone, but wheh I had the chance I had a full blown panic attack. This lasted for ages. FFS. Ridiulous. Have only had one this bad before, and its a habit I don't want to develop.  Ugh

Home and Mother and Brandon were there.  Was lovely to have family/friends around to bring my brain to a slower thought pattern.

This night, poor Hank had an allergic reaction to his flea treatment and was in a lot of pain.. I sat uo with him and put cream on his ear.. we got no sleep.. alas, I had a 2am wake up. Sigh.

Monday - Am shift.. was lovely to be dressed up and not in Jeans all the time. I hadf to stay back an hour for some IIMS training as they are upgrading the system.
I popped into HN for some GoPro accessories but they didn't have most of whatI was after. Boo.
Pet barn was an expensive exercise, I  was after a simple check chain and I eneded up with some toys, a leash and the check chain. EEP.
The dog was so excited that I had bought him a collar that we went out to test it. I was still in my long work dress. hahaha. Wore the dog out after only two laps of the oval. I still find it hard to control his super excitement.

Tuesday brought me some bras and a pair of bootleg jeans. With winter coming, I need to wear boots and my skin tight jeans look at tad odd with my ankle boots.

(More Skin!!)




botleg Jeans


I like the boot leg bit I am a huge fan of my high waisted jeans and so am again paranoid about my two rolls at my middle.

ARGHHHH

I was partway to work when I get a call. Could I PLEASE do night shift. I did have a medical for diving (I tale presciption drugs and hence needed  a full medical) and Dudley had kindley arranged mine for Wednesday 8am. I had errands to run so after some consultation with mother, I agreed to do the shift. Got off at Macathur and did my errands before dropping in on mother. I was there for a lot longer than I expected and so by the time I got home, I only managed 3 hours nap before my trainto get to night shift.
At least I got some Hank treats whilst at mother's place.

The 2100hrs train was cancelled and ni bus was provided, luckily, I convinced work to get me a local taxi who took me to Campbelltown. Upon arrival at CBT, I realised I didn't have my wallet. No Medicare, no ID anf no train ticket, ARGHHHHHJHHHNOOOOOOOOOOO

Did make it to work. :-) Had a west shift and it was flat out with freight. Good so see.

Wednesday.. which was really a continuation of Tuesday.. I finished work and met Dudley to get my medical done. He kindly fed me, yoghurt and museli and I sat for my poking and prodding. Interestingly.. the medical centre scales stated I was 87kg in jeans and boots whilst my home scales state I am over 89kg naked and with no food. I'm confused.

I have a good heart and a good set of lungs and adide from my balance issues, I was given the tick of approval. I got a lift home :-) so I could sleep.

The sleep was only two hours though, BAH before I had to head back to work. The silver lining was I could finish at midnight instead of 6am on my first day off. YAY!!!

On the way to work I spotted a rainbow, Stunning and made me smile for hours. ]


I watched Heath's ship pass Newcastle and then before work I saw it sit outside of the heads. Waiting for sunrise. Noise complaints from the Sydney Toaster people.



With my friend back in Sydney I crashed and slept until 10am. Not that long really as Dudley had dropped me off at 0130hrs.

Thursday 
I headed out for a late night talk with a friend. 
I had spent the day treadmilling and sleeping.. interchangeably. I managed to get back to a little runnning. Brandon came over to talk and he helped me take stuff to Debbie at the station. Thanks Brandon!!! 
I had so much sleep debt that I keep flaking out through out the day and Iwas told I had deep black circles under my eyes. Ugh. My OOTD was Shorts and a singlet top, the day being over 30C (YAY foe Australian Autumns) and the evenign was balmy so Jeans and I braved the crop top. Go me!!






David was home when I returned from my outing and he helped me with the new lens case.YAY!!!


Today is pouring with rain and I my official outing was delayed... I stopped to shot the passing steam train in the rain but my exposures were all wrong, I am soooo out of practice.  OOPS.

Steamfest this weekend and today, a lunch with mother. I am sure she will keep me busy this weekend, She has a list of things to do. EEP.