Sunday, August 3, 2014

Challenge #9 Another letter to your body

Assignment #9 - Write another letter to your body noting any differences in the way you feel about now compared to how you did 9 months ago. Has doing this course made you feel any happier about yourself? Has the support from the community helped you? Would you say you feel more confident now, or is there nothing you've tried (yet) which has made you feel better about yourself? What have you learned about yourself, and others? - See more at: Leah's Body confidence Workshop

Now although I have been working on Leah's workshop for a month only and the other ladies have had 9 months to do each challenge, I felt it was important to go through the exercises. I have been working on my body image and self esteem since January so, I'll write about this.

January was a major bottom of a barrel. The crap of 2012 and 2013 heaped on top of me just around xmas and with the management forcing me to come in on NYE instead of having my 6days off triggered something in my brain. I wrote a letter to my manager refusing all overtime from then on in addition to my previous letter about acting in a  higher grade. I basically had a major dummy spit and a melt down all at once.

Early May
I bought a fitbit (I killed that btw.. I need a new one) and put my shoes on and walked. I walked until my feet told me to stop then turned around. A tradtional aussie walkabout.
I looked long and hard at what I was doing to myself and myself alone. I was taking my loneliness, boredom and frustrations out in myself and I, at that moment... stopped thinking that way. I had lost my 'emotional support the previous years of horror and in January found I wasn't as alone as I thought.
Pulling up my big girl panties, I set out to eat just what I was given in my food packs and have less coffee, almost no soft drink (I rarely drink it anyway) and walk.

Feb was hard, as was the next three months. With my birthday came another brain snap. Thats ok. I looked at what I had achieved and bought a dress. Me in a dress. I had only ever worn jeans and black work pants but as I walked up from the tattoo parlor, I spied a pretty dress. I looked at it and the tiny lady in the shop suggested I try it on. I laughed at her.
Change room photo
She insisted that she fitted bigger ladies than me and I should stop being silly and try it.  Low and behold. It fit. Not only did it fit the lady had to get a smaller size. I looked in the mirror and didn't see the size 22 girl in black. I saw a sexy woman in a dress. (12th of may)

I have to thank this lady for my epiphany.

I can be plus size and pretty. I can accept who I am, and work on the parts of me that need help. I bought the dress and one other, and headed home.
The dress My son picked

I discovered I could dress to suit my shape.

My son took me shopping and picked out a black knitted dress.. very slinky and a long red cardigan.  He insisted I looked good and the words that ran in my head... "Mum, people don't look at the parts you are obsessing over." I bought the dress and cardigan.



Red slinky dress 
 The past two months have been me working keeping the momentum. I have come across some lovely women who have boosted my confidence a lot.
The exercises have made me realise there are no longer parts of me that I despise. There are bits that need work but I don't hate them. My body is what it is and I'm happy with that. I am able to work, walk, dance and I am mostly healthy. My brain needs work but who is perfect?? Bring on the rest of the year.

xoxox






4 comments:

  1. My Dear Yvonne,
    It's about bloody time you started looking after yourself! I have watched you always put other first the whole time I have known you and I'm over the moon that you have made the choice to look after you and treat yourself the way you need to be treated. You are a strong wonderful person who deserves the world.
    I love you to the moon and back!
    Benny xxx

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  2. Thank you my love. I have to say without you and your beloved around in the background these two years would have been even more difficult. I can never thank you two enough for being my family when I had no where to turn. I love you both! xoxox

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  3. I'm glad you're seeing yourself in a bit of a different light. That's all it takes sometimes - a shift in perspective. Long may it last!

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