Now although I have been working on Leah's workshop for a month only and the other ladies have had 9 months to do each challenge, I felt it was important to go through the exercises. I have been working on my body image and self esteem since January so, I'll write about this.
January was a major bottom of a barrel. The crap of 2012 and 2013 heaped on top of me just around xmas and with the management forcing me to come in on NYE instead of having my 6days off triggered something in my brain. I wrote a letter to my manager refusing all overtime from then on in addition to my previous letter about acting in a higher grade. I basically had a major dummy spit and a melt down all at once.
I looked long and hard at what I was doing to myself and myself alone. I was taking my loneliness, boredom and frustrations out in myself and I, at that moment... stopped thinking that way. I had lost my 'emotional support the previous years of horror and in January found I wasn't as alone as I thought.
Pulling up my big girl panties, I set out to eat just what I was given in my food packs and have less coffee, almost no soft drink (I rarely drink it anyway) and walk.
Feb was hard, as was the next three months. With my birthday came another brain snap. Thats ok. I looked at what I had achieved and bought a dress. Me in a dress. I had only ever worn jeans and black work pants but as I walked up from the tattoo parlor, I spied a pretty dress. I looked at it and the tiny lady in the shop suggested I try it on. I laughed at her.
|Change room photo|
I have to thank this lady for my epiphany.
I can be plus size and pretty. I can accept who I am, and work on the parts of me that need help. I bought the dress and one other, and headed home.
|The dress My son picked|
I discovered I could dress to suit my shape.
My son took me shopping and picked out a black knitted dress.. very slinky and a long red cardigan. He insisted I looked good and the words that ran in my head... "Mum, people don't look at the parts you are obsessing over." I bought the dress and cardigan.
|Red slinky dress|
The exercises have made me realise there are no longer parts of me that I despise. There are bits that need work but I don't hate them. My body is what it is and I'm happy with that. I am able to work, walk, dance and I am mostly healthy. My brain needs work but who is perfect?? Bring on the rest of the year.