Tuesday, January 20, 2015

expanding your circle

In December I decided a girl needed more friends.
To meet people and expand your circle of friends in the modern world, you need the internet. Sometimes you win and meet the most wonderful of people but alas, most of the time, you don’t.  Weirdos abound and this makes talking to people wearing. It is extremely tiring and when you are not interested, for example, a person too young or someone you have nothing in common with, they won’t take no for an answer and you end up frustrated, angry and have to block them. Some even demand to meet in person and won’t engage in the usual IM dance of sussing someone out. This is the modern world and a woman can’t be too careful.
Of course this does mean one of two things,
1. They are arrogant and cant conceived of anyone not liking them.. or
2. They are genuinely interested in meeting someone completely foreign to their experience and they can enrich your own life.
The trouble is which is which? How do you tell one from the other? I really have no idea. I use my instinct. It was right about some things in the past when on face value all was well.. so I have no reason to not trust it. You may not be so lucky. Tread carefully and if you like, don’t be afraid to say bugger off.
A lot of my current internet friends have been found on IG, a place where at least you have a chance of getting some insight into their psyche, although this is no guarantee. If this I have firsthand experience. (BOO)  I have met some amazing women through IG and for that I will forgive it for its other transgressions. (LOL)
You can put yourself on a dating site as looking for a friend only, but there too, liars and stalkers abound. You have a bit more protection than Instagram or Facebook as they don’t give any personal details and it’s up to you how you divulge this information. A lot of guys there are pushy too and most women use glamor photos. What about a market for a plump middle aged woman? HA
Be a glamour puss or be doomed to rejection. That’s fine with me, if you judge a friend on her looks you are a piss poor excuse of a human being anyway.
What about the old fashioned way. Meeting a random person in a bar or café or just in the street. I am a woman who likes to compliment other women who I feel dress wonderfully. I approach strangers on the street, shopping complex or train and tell them how lovely their nails, dress, hair or whatever is and I usually get a smile and a thanks AFTER a suspicious initial look of WTF does this person want. Think about this. I want nothing more than to be nice and spread some happiness, in giving nothing more than a compliment. The person who I approach, usually with, “excuse me..”, gives me the look of why is a stranger talking to me.. What does she want etc. etc. etc.. If you are of the opposite sex, this look would be enough to send me running the other way. I can’t imagine how guys used to manage at all. Where people more accepting of being approached 20 years ago?
I say yes. Our society now is so geared to online, that you can’t even apply for a job by sending in a letter with your resume. You need it typed up and emailed via and online gateway. Even interviews are via phone and the ones I have done in recent times face to face have had a 3rd or 4th person on conference call for the duration, asking further questions. 
Young people (35 and below) spend their lives face down even when walking and I will admit, that I do the same. They are not naturally conscious of other people around them and this has also lead to side effects of poor handwriting and rudeness, not through not caring, but an idea of standing up (for example) for an old lady on the train just doesn’t occur to them.
SO, coming back to dating and making friends... How do we older people manage?
Quite simply, we have to join the internet dating, even to find new friends. You have to be prepared to accept that people have stretched the truth in a lot of things, and if you don’t feel you are ready to meet someone face to face, don’t feel bullied into it.  Some guys put one sentence to describe themselves and expect people to flock to meet them in person. This is unfair to the other party as they have nothing to base a conclusion or theory on and you are best avoided.  You have to show that you are worthy of someone’s time. Everyone is busy, hell, I rarely have time to sleep 8 whole hours a day, so I certainly am not going to waste my afternoon on a person who can’t even be bothered to write one paragraph. Be honest. Wouldn’t you prefer a friend who likes you for you. (Radical idea there) If they don’t like you, eh, what do you lose? You did what you could, the issue is them and their narrow minds. You have yourself. Be true to that.
Block the ones who don’t respect your boundaries. We may prefer the old fashioned way but we need to take care that the dream 6ft man of your fantasies isn’t some mad loner, 4ft and angry at his mother with a penchant for firearms or poisons.
Stranger things have happened. 
If I depended on my social circle to provide new friends, I would only ever meet railway people. That’s fine, but we fall back into talking about work when we run out of topics. This means my off hours can be spent, mentally at work and this makes work all the more fatiguing.
Recently I have chatted to:
A software engineer from SYD
A grazier from GLB
A gas linesman from QLD
A cleaner from the ACT
A school Principal from SYD
A couple of businessmen from various locations
A truck driver from Western SYD
A beautiful sale assistant who has become a close friend over past few months .
I can’t remember some others... All nice people and I would never have come across them in my own life. As one stated to me, even if he saw me in a pub, he would not have approached me directly anyway. SO the internet is certainly not all bad!!!
Here is to 2015, not sitting in my lounge with the hound, a bottle of rum and tam-tams. I hope to find interesting people and have a few café rounds of Sydney.
Even if you are attached, put your hand up on a local dating site as looking for friends and they will find you. Your social circle will expand and you will find people willing to be there for you in tough times. Give them the chance to meet you.

Best of luck!!

2 comments:

  1. I use a gay hook up app to meet new friends, it's funny how many people on there are just looking for friends not sex. Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone to get what you want. Look at us, we met because someone dragged you to this strange gay couples house and we've been friends ever since ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yo, we ought to meet up one time. :) Just putting that out there, in the world. :)

    ReplyDelete

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