Saturday, August 22, 2015

Therapy

Yesterday I embarked on a journey of Psychoanalysis. I have always pondered if Hypnotherapy could help me in various compulsive issues and what has held me back is a fear of being unhypnotisable.

"Psychoanalysis is a treatment based on the theory that our present is shaped by our past. We are often unaware of how experiences can affect us. Painful feelings can remain in the unconscious mind and influence our current mood and behaviour and contribute to problems with self-esteem, personality, relationships and work.

Because we are unaware of these forces, common problem-solving techniques – such as seeking the advice of friends and family or reading self-help books– often fail to provide relief.
Psychoanalysis helps a person take control of these influences by tracing them back to their origins and understanding how they have developed over time. This awareness offers the person the opportunity to deal constructively with the way these influences affect their current life."

I bit the bullet and last week made a booking with a local lady whose card had mysteriously appeared in my wallet. I don't remember ever seeing this card before and have NO idea where it came from. Weird, but I'm used to weird things happening to me.

ANYWAY.

I got an email back telling me I was booked in at 11am and please write your history, anything you think could be a trigger, and cash only

How was your upbringing - loving, controlling, abusive (psychological ofphysical) etc.
Did your parents have issues - Anger, Alcohol or Gambling problems

What was school like - were you bullied, made to feel embarrassed etc.

Did you undergo any child sexual abuse or rape

Have you ever had any injury or accident

Have you experienced trauma of any sort - hold up, found out your spouse cheated on you, your parent(s) died, had a miscarriage etc.

Do you suffer from problems - alcohol, gambling, eating disorder such as bulimia/anorexia, depression, migraine headaches, insomnia, irritable Bowel syndrome, finger nail biting, asthma, psoriasis, etc.

Are you on medication - what sort, what for, how long, do you suffer from any side effects from this.

 Anything else not mentioned?" 

This caused me a great deal of issues, I LOVE writing about anything and my day and and and...

My life has been written down for the past few years on paper form BUT when asked to face my past, my brain shut down.
I couldn't write a sentence

 The night before the appointment, this task weighed on my mind, but I was treated to a lovely Indian dinner that was a total food orgasm. Never in my life have I tasted something so divine.

 That's getting off track a bit.

I had a few drinks and headed for bed. In the am I was despondent and was refusing to get up until I was told to.

Sternly.

Yes, I had to get up, get organised and get out and moving. For the life of me, I couldn't get warm. My body was cold.

I had a counselling session and the lady was lovely.
I wasn't sure how to take her at first. All sessions are 2 hours but anything over that is not charged.

She take as long as you need to find a solution. I think my session was long just in talking.
I was emotional for a lot of it and we hadn't even started any hypnosis I talked about my past, my schooling, angst with my Great Gran disapproving of me because I was a girl. An outgoing girl and girls in the 1890s were not supposed to be outgoing. The sun shined out of my brother's arse in this time period and my mother did the right thing and removed me from the situation.

To do this she sacrificed her own young adulthood and worked up to three jobs for many years.
All of this was discussed.
My assaults, my husbands and my failure to keep a long, loving relationship were all there.
My food of course and my hoarding.
The shopping and the hoarding are related which was obvious, even to me but it was my security blanket. The trouble is, my need to have a clean house is starting to override this security, causing anxiety.
Helps that I live with a person used to a neat house. Or maybe this was the trigger for change.

 The hypnosis part started with a test to see how easily I could be hypnotised.
Apparently I can't easily be swayed by a relaxing voice and assurances. I need facts and work pictures not airy fairy imagery.
 My conscious brain won't allow it. Bruni has an alternative and I don't quite know how she did it as I was still conscious the whole time.
I was in total disbelief when she got my arm to move without my input, What witchcraft is this???
 It took ages for my sub conscious to get my arm to touch my nose, I think I was resisting that this was possible. This became like an octopus' tentacle, detached and not knowing. EEEPPP.

 She made my collect up my negative memories and burn the books so to speak. Even after doing this, we found I was holding on to one.
Why?
 I had no answer for her.
 She asked again why was I holding on to sadness.
What value did it have in my present life. It doesn't change the past and it isn't my ocean to sail.
 The emotions I had towards my mother's life was not my journey just as her mother's life was not her journey. We had our own ships to sail and I thought on it and let that book go too.




Did I see my Grandfather?
 No.

 I am not a visual person. Did I learn his lessons? What he taught me? Yes.

She tried to get me to laugh but even in a trance this was not for me. Why? I didn't say. I had no desire to laugh. I wasn't unhappy, but laughing wasn't for me at this time. She will try again if I come back. :)

Afterwards.. I felt head-achy, washed out and damned tired. Is this normal? No idea.

I paid my cash and realised it had been over 3 hours. Long time.

She thinks I will not need another session but if I do, the cost is reduced.
I was touchy last night but I had to rush to my psychologist's appointment. Collecting my mother, we pooled our resources to buy a quick coffee and then I had to go.

The psychologist has been happy with my progress and now my life is happier, my issues are fading and she thinks I have a high chance of eventually giving up anti depressants IF I continue as I have been. This means my growth depends on the people around me, my inner circle and this puts a bit of stress on me and them. Still I will work towards no drugs. :)I have been released from psychology. Thats a win right??


Will hypnosis work?? Time will tell.

My mother is booked in in September. I'll have more of an idea by then

xoxo

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