Sunday, September 13, 2015

Anxiety Sucks



Some things have made me more fragile in the mental health dept than usual. I am a fairly emotional person to start with, so I try to keep my shell around me like a turtle. Too many lessons learnt. So it takes time to trust.

A careless boot to the middle can make my brain go into over drive.

Back to the bad old days. The spiral is going like this..

Not being good enough.
No one will love you for you because you are not good enough. (add - "This is why they always leave")
You can't have friends because you are not worthy.
You are obese because you are a failure with your food.
(I know these things are not true. least the food part.
My weight is mostly medical. Oh yay!. )

Sigh.,I look in the mirror and feel like I have failed by putting on 10kg in the past 9 months.
My house is not good enough.
I am not good enough, I, like my house, needed fixing.
Please?
(MY house does need fixing.. I just didn't expect to have it show room spic - I KNOW this is not what's expected ... Its what my brain is spriralling too.)
House in 2011


My brain goes around and around and around.

From Beyond Blue
"Ever feel like your mind is racing for no good reason? A common feature of anxiety is to think about things a lot more than you would normally. You might also notice that what you are thinking about is unhelpful or perhaps even irrational or silly, but you are unable to stop these intense and sometimes overwhelming thoughts. This thinking tends to be repetitive and often negative in nature causing your feelings to get worse."
Yes yes yes

Ugh




Can I go to a reset point of before last night.?? I want my comfortable bubble back. 

I hate my brain. 

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