Saturday, September 5, 2015

Changes are afoot

As you all know, I don't manage change easily. I have been getting better in the past 6 months and I see massive improvements in myself but still... I do lose my cool when I am pushed too far.

SO today I was anxious at the job to be done. I had to keep remembering that it was for my own good and helping reduce the hoard.
I got the hypnotherapist to talk about the hoard too and I have been shopping less if at all and not keeping things that before were vital to my existence.

As stated in the "UnFuck your habit" blog

When you’re in the midst of a depressive episode, cleaning your house comes in on the List of Things You Want to Do somewhere after taunting a hive of bees and tap dancing on live television. Things are awful. It’s a struggle to walk to the bathroom. Making dinner seems more impossible than advanced calculus. Anything that’s not your couch or your bed might as well be hot lava. And so the mess builds around you. I purposely use the passive voice there because when you’re depressed, it seems nearly impossible that you’re contributing to the chaos of your house, because that would require energy, and you sure as hell don’t have any of that to spare.

Then you look around your messy house. And you feel worse. You feel more depressed, because now you’re exhausted and hopeless and can’t pull yourself out of bed, and on top of that, your house is a shithole. Which makes you feel useless on top of everything you were already feeling, and then probably overwhelmed on top of that, and quite frankly, having that many feelings at once during a depressive episode is like being crushed by a ton of bricks. So your depression gets worse, and your mess gets worse, and the two keep feeding on each other and it seems like there’s no end in sight.

With this in mind...

We tackled the old office. It was impassable and my clothes were over flowing and taking over at least 4 rooms. The solution was to finish the walk in robe project. Or at least take a huge bite out if it.

Stage one was to move my old desk.

It was took wide and tall to fit through the door so it had to been taken apart then re-screwed at its new location. Have to say, I quite like having it on out of a bedroom and in a more open space. I may be inspired to keep it clear! (Maybe - Though I am sure I will be nagged, so that's a good thing.)

We started then on 10 plus years of dust, piles of crap and paperwork. I was going through the filing cabinets and finding papers from 2001 and 2006 when I stopped using the cabinets due to the piles of crap in front of the drawers.  To think I was going to buy a bit filing cabinet when all I had to do was unbury the old ones. A massive cull got three huge boxes of papers to burn, three boxes of stuff to throw and 6 boxes of books in total for the charity shop and the local train station for their bookshelf.
H did a trip to Vinnies and later, off to Bunnings for brackets. We discovered that the weight of dresses on the overloaded brackets had stretched the metal and even broken one off. (OOPS - OK MAYBE too many clothes?)

Debbie had turned up early arvo and dug into the pile. She kept me on track and when both H and I lost our cool, kept us from escalating. Whilst H was shopping we had a breather for a min, a cuppa tea/ coffee and Deb and I discussed City chic styles that suit us both. We are pooling our wardrobes as we are the same size and our styles are similar.  WIN!!!

I was at high anxiety and even Heath was at the end of his patience but the break helped us all.
By the end of the day the room looked like this...

More work to be done but a huge win. Now to rehouse the random stuff in boxes or wait long enough and toss them...

The lounge now has floor space and wallspace since the piano found a new home,The dog can stretch and not get yelled at for knocking over a pile of stuff..

Other rooms have been cleaned inthe past and taken over again by the hoard. It fights back, but like an infectiom I will slowly overcome this.

What stuck with me from the councelling and hypontherapy was two things. A disordered house is a disordered mind, it causes anxiety and isn't helping my mental health (See my post here) and .. its disrespectful to my loved ones.

It looks like I MAY be able to have people over not just a trusted few. Time will tell,

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