Tuesday, November 3, 2015

The circular mind

I have been working towards getting off the medications I am on. The meds put weight on, as does the urge that I have to have large serves. I work out, eat 90% properly and yet I went from going down to going up. Nothing changed but the meds. The dr is worried but there is no other drug at this stage that I can take.

Anyway. As I stated, I have been working towards reducing my dose. Slowly. I have been coping but the last month has knocked me over. The work has been unrelaenting and Vegas was better than expected  but I had to walk kms to just keep exercising. I was never free when the gym was open. I picked the healthiest food and keep up water (Which I loathe)

Go home and H had to go away for over a week.

Ok  Yvonne do you want cheese with your Whine?

I feel like I am ungrateful.

I have been alone for a week. In my own company.. Work, home feed the dog, sleep alarm to get up and repeat. My weekend off had me working. I am frazzled.

I have been finding my stupid brain has been making me jealous of the ex. Had someone to look after her.. three lovely kids, and I didn't even had support for my own pregnancy and was alone to support myself most of the time. I was even dealig with birth alone. All of this made me who I am, a person who doesn't need to depemd on others but god it would be nice to have been supported,

Old wounds/ghosts rise when I think roo much. Maybe I'm not ready to quit drugs??

Still, working myself, gave me a home, a place my son can come too if he wants to. I have my security in that I wont have  guy make me homeless again, but at what cost.
I dwell on what is lost and not how lucky I am.  This is not healthy.

Oh and River Island is for sale. If anyone wants a large cabin in the best caravan community at Mittagong, spas, pools, we even have internet. The only cabin with internet.  LMK.

This navel gazing has actually been theraoutic.

I suppose I was overwhealmed by this week.

My dear dear friend lost his brother on Sat, and my mother was taken to hospital last night for concussion and stiches. She was hit by a fan. I don't know what fan or how. I have to check up on her later. My house is a mess (More than usual) and I have the pressure to get it shp shape by friday, I have so many loads of washing I am tossing up the idea of takign it to the laundramat.

Yes to be a housewife is a whistful dream for the tired and the distressed.  I could concentrate on the house and even finish painting the bedroom.

I love my job, just sometimes I need a break.


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