As I say yesterday, I was anxious re a new Therapist. Several reasons but as Heath tells me I see monsters in the shadows where there are none. Yes, it what makes me good at my job, I anticipate issues to be able to minimise disruption. Still, It was a a session at a house in the suburbs of Campbelltown at night. I have been around a few years to know this is not ideal.
So Heath picked me up from the station and we went together.
It was good to have a support with me, but this also made me reluctant to talk at first.
Chris the therapist, asked his standard questions and this broke the silence for me. I talked and let Heath talk.
It was hard to hear how much I affect other people with my addiction( and yes it is a real addiction.) And I was devastated that he felt used and mistreated by my actions. When I buy things it doesn't occur to me that it can hurt anyone. This alone was a revelation. It may sound obvious to you but its not when you are desperate to obtain something.
Its good that Heath can hear what I do and why( as in why I still buy and hoard and how its a drive that's hard to kill) and I think it will benefit him and me to come to some sessions.
Chris has encouraged me to seek out my psychologist (Angela) again and go back to my Dr for a multi-pronged attack at my anxiety and I will do so. Even though Angela scares me every session before I go in. (See?? Monsters again)
Chris is willing to work in with my shifts, he is starting early next week to fit in a session prior to me going to work as, up until then I am on night shift.
He was curious why I have not done group therapy but after Heath pointed out my roster is impossible and I can't commit one day every week (Not the same day) I have to make time every week that suits my work hours.
He is a long way from the station. This is a problem but not insurmountable.
I felt both better and miserable after the 90 mins we were with him. Some things are out in the open and I can use this to stop an impulse.
Today I bought 12 re-fill for my work pens as I can't get 1.6mm (XB) pens in click form, so I have M pens that I refill(Plus tax deductible). That's $25 with postage and I got a Leuchtturm notebook that I didn't need because it's blue.
I got city chic order that everything bar one dress is going back.
Excited for next week as I need to get a handle on this and it just not as easy as Just don't buy. I am trying.
I have unsubscribed from a heap of newsletters and it was this that got me shopping for notebooks. BUT I spent an hour unsubbing. More e-de-cluttering to help not shop. Leah made a post on e-clutter management. That reminds me.. Time to archive my 2015 emails.
Here is to a small win of no clothes shopping today.